Long Birthday Weekend

What a great weekend! On Friday, my parents and my sister April's family came down for April and I's birthday weekend. Her birthday was the 26th and mine was yesterday. Friday night was a blast! My parents brought down a gas grill for Mike and I; what a great addition to our deck! The weather was beautiful and we were able to enjoy some steaks and beer/wine while the sun left. We brought the "party" inside and Mike played guitar for my family. He fell in love with Isabelle when she tried to play the guitar herself; they developed quite the relationship over the weekend.

The night seemed too short and Mike and I were sad to see them leave for their hotel. The baby had been a charm all day though and she needed some serious sleeptime. I couldn't believe what a wonderful little girl she is; she entertains herself and brings a smile to everyone's face in the mean time. What a precious little girl she is.

Saturday morning we had breakfast at the Howard Johnson's and then went to the mall/Kohl's/Linens 'n Things for some serious shopping. My mom and dad gave me some birthday money, so I was able to pick up some summer shirts, a pair of shorts and some shoes for myself. It felt good to treat myself a little bit. Financial strains have caused such stress that it felt good to let the money fall from my hands for a morning.

I was finally able to bring my family to Paddy Murphy's, my favorite restaurant, an Irish pub in downtown Bangor. Although the service was not as exceptional as usual, their food never disappoints! My parents loved the music and atmosphere and were very impressed with the food portions and quality. Some recommendations for any one who is able to support this local business:

if you're a beef-eater, try the Guinness Burger.

if you're a chicken-eater, try the Bistro Chicken Wrap.

if you're a sandwich-eater, try the Paddy's Club (my personal favorite; their garlic mayo is pretty much a sensual experience. How can mayo be sensual? I don't know. In this case, it just is.)

We headed back to Mike and I's apartment and lightly snacked and drank for the rest of the evening. It was so refreshing to have my family at my new home and it was really encouraging to see that my parents approved of our place. They loved how we are near the water and are isolated from the town/city. They couldn't stop talking about how desperately they wanted to move down. I hope that eventually the talk turns into action, because I definitely feel more complete with my family. And Isabelle is pretty much the best thing that's ever happened to me. I think it's close to motherlove (but how would I know? At least I know it's strong).

I was sad to see them go on Sunday morning. Even though I will be going up in two weeks for my graduation, it still felt too far in the future. I miss them already.

The weekend was definitely better in general than my actual birthday (but what is Time anyway? I'm just going to say my birthday was Saturday *smiles*). The weather went downhill and it was cold and rainy. I was overtired from my weekend and took a power nap. Mike and I went to Applebee's and had a good meal and, in the evening, went to Kyle's house and watched Good Will Hunting. Watching that movie brings back a lot of memories and makes me feel very good on the inside. Comfortable. Young.

Long post. It feels good to spill out the details of a great weekend. I'm now back at work and thinking about things that need to be done, but the mini-vacation was perfect while it lasted.

And since I had yesterday off, I only have a 4-day work week! Yippee!

(and it rains, in inches).

Setting Honest Goals, Part I

"Our bodies are our gardens - our wills are our gardeners." William Shakespeare

I have recently been reading some very helpful material off of zenhabits.net regarding making healthy changes in my life. There are some very thoughtful tips on how to maximize one's efforts, how to be realistic about one's goals and how to empower yourself through constructing positive habits while deconstructing negative ones.

So of course, through all this reading and reflection, I've thought: what is that one big change I would like to make? I share a common dream with many people (especially Americans, right?). I wish to lose the extra weight. I wish to have a healthy body that is fed by a healthier soul. I wish to make educated, wise food choices and exercise my body. I don't wish to hurt myself through diet fads or 'anorexic' tendencies, but I do wish to find my body in the balance.

What is keeping me from even working through this goal? To have a chance of following through on this commitment, I need to consider what my obstacles will be. I'm pretty certain I know what the primary (if not solitary) reason is: laziness. But is laziness really that precious to me? Is the time I spend lazily more fulfilling than the time I could commit to a healthy lifestyle? Let me think it through. [......]

No. Because I think every day about how I want to have a healthier body. And while I enjoy my relaxation time, I recognize that the benefits I would reap from devoting 2 hours of my week to exercise would be incalculable, really. The time I spend cooking healthy meals with my boyfriend would bring us closer together and enrich our relationship, while helping us refine our cooking skills and, in turn, our independence from fast-food mania.

Lately, we have devoted more time to the kitchen and it has helped our wallets tremendously. Also, we are able to try new things and perfect our favorites. I know that fried bologna sandwiches are not whole foods, but if that's the extent of our junk-foodness, then we are miles ahead of the McIndustry still.

May I share my goal with you? I get a 10% discount off of a YMCA membership and I think I am going to finally take advantage. On April 28th, my 23rd birthday, I am going to the YMCA and signing up for a membership. My goal is to exercise in their gym 10 times during the month of May. That's once every three days, on average. I believe this is an obtainable goal and should provide me with enough time each week to work the cubicles and PB & J's from my bones.


There you have it! The only goal I have for May: 10 times. Dix! Dix! [Imagine me screaming with a clumsy French accent.] And, of course, I will keep you posted.

Look around. You'll find the ground is not so far from where you are.

Today I will be Lieutenant Dan.

Today is the day I will become Lieutenant Dan.

Let me explain.

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For the past few years, I have been terribly afraid of thunderstorms. I would start shaking, sweating, have rapid heartbeats and hyperventilation at the first distant rumble. I wrote many poems, cried on many couches and hid under many pillows. I also listened to headphones to try and drown out the noise.

Now, that kind of worked. But it seriously hindered my life and completely ruined my summers. I could not enjoy a beautiful day if I knew there was a chance of thunderstorms forecasted for later that night. I had to decline invitations to do fun outside adventures because of my fear.

-

Last summer, in an effort to take my life back, I started going to therapy and was also put on an anti-anxiety medication. The therapy helped a little, but honestly, after talking about the same problem over and over again, I got really sick of it and stopped going. The anti-anxiety medication brought with a slew of its own problems and I have recently discontinued them.

-

For the past eight months, I have put a lot of thought into the power of my mind. I know that my fear of thunderstorms is not actually my fear of lightning. It is my fear of unannounced sound and my inability to control the noise level around me. This correlates with my fear of scary movies. I can't handle suspense: y'know, the silence followed by the jumpy loud and frightening moment. I get about as worked up watching those movies as I do during a storm.

So if I recognize what my problem is and know in my mind and heart that I have the power inside of me to get over my fear, I can finally take control of my life. Even though I don't have control over the storm, I do have control over my reaction to it.

-

I have also applied this reasoning to my general panic attacks and I have had some very empowering success with it. Last week, I was able to talk myself down. This is a huge step in the right direction and I know that I might finally have the inner strength to face the storm.

I decided a few months ago that the first storm of the year I will have my Lieutenant Dan moment. Do you remember when Lieutenant Dan climbs the mast of the shimp boat and screams all crazy like to the sky, making his peace with God? He is my inspiration. While I was checking how warm it would be today, I noticed that they are forecasting thunderstorms for my area this evening. Now is my chance! I am going to sit on Kyle's porch and face the storm. I will be outside but under a roof that will protect me from the rain. I may act a little crazy and I will probably be really scared. I am going to pick up a bottle of wine or maybe brandy to ease the nerves a bit.

-

Today I will face the storm.

My fear.

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I will scream to the sky that it cannot control my life. And I won't let it. I am reclaiming my summer, my night's sleep, my peace.

-

Today is the day.

Cadillac Mountain

Yesterday Michael and I drove down to Mount Desert Island and up the summit of Cadillac Mountain. I had never been up there and Michael insisted that it was a necessity for anyone in Maine. (It helps to remind Mainers why they live here.) It was such an amazing sight; we were over the clouds! I have not been over the clouds since I flew over the Atlantic Ocean (7 years ago). The air was thinner and the wind was blowin' fierce, but it was such a refreshing experience. A shot of nature to a withered arm and from my fingertips the blossoms follow.

These moments really are necessary in our young lives. It is so easy to burden ourselves with the frenzy and fever of our modern society, where we barely register the faces we meet, the names we hear, the hands we shake. It is crucial to remember from whence we came and, even though we might not all have a belief as to why we are here, many of us agree on what we should do while we're here: love, laugh, gasp the great air.

Yesterday Michael and I took advantage of the gift of our bodies and our eyes and witnessed a true heaven in nature.

We capped off the evening with an old Michael Caine/Christopher Reeve movie called "Deathtrap." Wow. I don't even know how to explain this movie. It was very strange and the blurb that boasted hairpin twists did not lie. However, the plot was very repetitive and the music was just plain awful. However, it was great to see Christopher Reeve when he was younger. What a vibrant man...he and his wife's story is so very sad. *shakes head* It just goes to show how quickly life can change.

I am so grateful today for my life, my man, my friends, my home, my other home, my writing and my world. I know! It's Monday and I'm giving thanks! (Give me a couple hours and I'll recant of this madness.)

The pond is flooding! And, in other news: I loved "The Forbidden Kingdom!"

I can't wait to get a digital camera so that I can take pictures of our backyard and make it ten times easier for you to see it; explaining it is so much more difficult. Anyway, our pond has become a mini-river and is now flooding. Our dock has "taken to the sea" (Michael, 2008) and we can no longer stand over the water. Should I say that we have already? Because we haven't. We watched the landlord's grandson adventure out onto the dock, but we have yet to muster up the courage. The water is still way too cold for an accidental swim. :)


Last night Michael and I went to see "The Forbidden Kingdom" with Jackie Chan and Jet Li. We had seen two different previews for this movie; one of the previews advertised it as a beautifully fought movie in a fantasy China while the other preview made it look like a "Harry Potter"-esque coming-of-age story of a teen from South Boston. Well! Two very different types of movie! But thankfully, they somehow mixed and blended and I have to say with full confidence that I absolutely loved it!

It was loosely based on Wu Ch'eng-en's folktale "Monkey." I cannot express my excitement at seeing Jet Li cast as the Monkey King and seriously, he played a monkey very well. Imagine an Asian Johnny Depp, if you will. I found Li's style to be similar to Depp's quirkiness.

Jackie Chan was funny, endearing and still a kick-ass fighter! He employs the Drunken Fist technique and considers wine his elixir. Although his style seems sloppy and even dizzy, all of his opponents end up on the ground. The fight scenes in this movie were so well choreographed and there were some moves that blew my mind, for sure. At points, I felt an incomplete person for not knowing kung-fu. :)

The South Boston kid was wrong. I mean, he had a fake ponytail that was so distracting, I couldn't stop making little comments to Michael about how much I hated it. Imagine Obi Wan's padawan ponytail in "The Phantom Menace" and then double the awfulness. There. You've pictured it. Except it's not even attached to Ewan McGregor. If that means anything to you...

I highly recommend this movie to anyone who wants to see a fun, fantasy-filled kung fu movie that admits a cast that bring their strength and spirit to the film. Although they are both out of their primes, Li and Chan are entertaining, amazing and admirable. Their skills in later years still mock the supposed agility of my youth. Be prepared for a couple "ah, geez" scenes with cheesy lines and even cheesier white-boy kung fu. They don't ruin the movie though, not by a long shot, so give it a go. You will certainly be entertained, at the least.

Overall Film Rating: 5.5
Kung Fu Film Rating: 8.5

I seek my womanline, forward and backward, I turn. I look at all of you and read the wisdom of your eyes. I hear your stories, I am intoxicated by the smell of wine on your breath and I place my hands on the hips that bore me. We sway. Silk sway. Down adobe stairs.